Picking up a conversation where you left off? Don’t forget to bring the emotion along with the words.
Any of us can remember words spoken in conversation. We even have the technology to assist as we record them in our notes, plug them into our CRM always remembering “what is in it for us”.
A few questions to ponder:
How often do you intentionally source the emotion behind the words?
How often do you acknowledge that emotion to the person you are speaking with?
How often do you record that emotion to reference next time?
If our role is reliant on creating a trusted partnership, are the words enough? I’m inclined to say no.
I reflect on my experience as a sales professional & clearly see when a client conversation was about words alone, the result was a polite transaction. Hollow. Unfulfilling. Forgettable. In all likelihood, the sale rarely eventuating.
Whether a sales professional working with a client, a clinician with a patient, or leader with a colleague, our ability to form emotional connection facilitates the benefit trust affords our partnerships.
Loyalty. Forgiveness. Advocacy. Collaboration.
It is easy to overlook taking the time to intentionally understand the meaning behind the words in conversation. Our own agendas taking precedence as our brains busily prepare our response rather than mindfully listening to the person in front of us.
As I develop as a coach, it helps me greatly to consider mindful listening in three tiers:
Paying attention to the speaker
Hearing the words spoken
Understanding the meaning behind the words
Each tier requires a little more commitment to the conversation than the one prior. Few of us consistently reaching the top tier of understanding the meaning behind the words. This is where the gold is. The gold that is fulfilment. When two people’s brains synchronise through emotional connection and finally, they each trust they are on the same wavelength.
Remember, human connection is one of the four core needs of our advancing brain along with purpose, learning and giving. (Murden, F. Defining You. p.135)
Have you read Chapter 3 of My Beautiful Mess “Feeling”? Emotional connection was all I was capable of offering burns patient Sara through our gaze. It was like oxygen to both of our souls. I’ll never forget that feeling.
To deny the emotion of another in conversation is to say to the recipient:
I’m not willing to take the time to understand you
What you are feeling is not important to me
I’m prepared for you to forget about me when I walk away from this conversation
Are you willing to be forgotten?
The way we make people feel makes the moments we create with others memorable.
In their hearts we are the person who cared enough to remember.
In their eyes are the person who chose to try to understand.
In their minds we become the person who deserves a little more of their time, attention and commitment.
Emotion cries for acknowledgement in conversation because it is so frequently ignored in favour of the words. If it appears elusive, be a little more curious. Remember if someone is difficult to understand, that’s on us to ask the right questions.
Peta x
Mindful and intentional communication is a crucial life skill I pay attention to, when working with teams and coaching clients. This is where we focus more on the “How”.
Could you or your team use a little support with this? Please reach out below!
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Recommended Reading:
You’re Not Listening “What you’re listening and why it matters” by Kate Murphy
Defining You “How to Profile Yourself & Unlock Your Full Potential” by Fiona Murden
Together “Loneliness, Health & What Happens When We Find Connection” by Vivek Murthy