Confident Communication with Customers - the 5 words I avoid.
Until I started coaching, my priority when communicating with customers was politeness, respect & delivering information. I never really gave two hoots about the potential impact chosen words had on my confidence. Similarly, whether or not I was choosing the best vocabulary to facilitate connection. After diving up to my armpits in research & experimenting at home with my subject, Mr 14, I soon realised I had plenty of room for improvement.
If a sentence was a see-saw, the words I had been choosing risked tilting the balance of my communication in favour of my customer – every time.
As someone who has always believed the most rewarding customer partnerships are those that stand eye to eye, no upwards or downwards glance required, this was a revelation that needed immediate attention!
I am not referring to complex vocabulary here where you need an Oxford’s within arms reach to understand what the heck someone is talking about. I’m speaking of the small & mighty “golden words” learnt in prep, the yellow sheet that decorates many a refrigerator around the country.
Yes, these little guys & gals unwittingly put us in an inferior position, pending how they’re used.
I’ve learnt certain words have the ability to hamper our endeavours in forming trusted connections by the way they are perceived.
How? For example, a customer might become defensive by an ill-worded question, or dismissive of over-polite correspondence. Heaven help me if anyone ever described me as “nice”. I’d much prefer (don’t mess with me) Lara Croft tomb raider than (push over) Bow Peep any day!
Mindful & intentional communication is a crucial life skill I pay strong attention to when working with teams and coaching clients. It is incredible the difference a few small tweaks can make to both our confidence & effectiveness in communicating. Particularly with customers.
Remember, sustainable performance in sales is more likely when we flatten out the emotional peaks & troughs.
“Calm your emotions to grow your sales” as I like to say.
What are the words I avoid?
1.“Just”
None of us are “just” anything. We are all a very worthy someone. This one often crops up in emails, “I am just following up….” Try dropping the “just” to lead with more conviction. “I wanted to follow up….”
2. “But”
Injecting the word “but” into a sentence immediately turns it into a see-saw, telling the listener the words prior are less important than the words that follow. Try swapping the word “but” for “and” to balance the importance of the words.
3. “Why”
Starting a question with “Why” immediately puts our listener on the defensive. Try swapping with “What” & “How” to create calibrated questions & retrieve factual information you can use to construct your response.
Consider the difference in your response to the below by example:
Why is that important?
What about that is important to you?
4&5. “So” & “Well”
Starting a sentence with the words “so” or “well” can have a similar jarring effect to the recipient, implying judgement & a rigidness of opinion. Tread with caution!
How did I instigate change in my behaviour?
Setting out to mindfully change the way I communicated was a commitment & entirely worth the effort. Here were the steps I followed you might consider trying:
Inward Self Awareness
How do you speak to yourself?
Pick one of these words at a time & see if you can catch yourself using it. (try one word per week)
Have a go substituting with the recommendations.
What difference does this make to your confidence?
Outward Self Awareness
Reflect on previous customer email correspondence (sent folder)
Do any of these words crop up?
How could you rephrase the sentence to balance out the conversation?
Notice the impact this has on your confidence. Equally, note changes in the outcome of the conversation.
Action
Rather than only think it, we have to say it, type it or send it.
A great place to start is at home on your family - it works! (maybe don’t tell them they are now a cohort in a new experiment you are running!)
Again, start with one word & progress as you find it becoming more automatic. Remember, a new habit takes time.
Small, mighty words have the ability to dramatically alter the dynamic of a sentence, the course of a conversation & the strength of a partnership.
Let’s choose them wisely.
Peta x
Author of My Beautiful Mess - “Living through burnout & rediscovering me”
Are you a leader looking to inspire your team? Communicate with Intent is a part of my Lead with your Legacy series delivered through coaching, team workshops or speaking.
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