How to move forward after a Customer tells you “No”

It’s one of the first words we learn. 

Two little letters forming one big word. Too often, used as a brilliant disguise. Tossed out like a grenade, to throw the curious off their scent. 

So….what’s in a “No”?

There are copious meanings, often overlooked by an assuming mind in pursuit of its own agenda. An agenda which will never nudge forward while assumptions hold them back.

“I’m not ready.”

“I’m not sure I like you.”

“I don’t know you”

“I don’t know if I trust you.”

“I don’t know what I want.”

“I don’t have capacity to make this decision right now.”

“What’s important to me is not important to you.”

“I can’t manage the disruption caused by change just now.”

The seasoned sales professional has been there.  Those early chapters in a sales career when we set ourselves up for disappointment because we don’t have the maturity experience brings, on our side.  Our focus is on ourselves & our instructions from marketing, rather than on truly understanding the decision-making layers of our customer. 

Consistent Customer “No’s” can be disheartening, demotivating & leave you wondering, if you’re any good at this new job you signed up for. Our vulnerable minds hear a “no” & suddenly, we become a washed with a cascade of rejected emotions.  Our ego piping up, ensuring we make it all about us - “I’m not good enough,” ringing in our ears.

Let’s set ourselves straight.  It’s not about us.

There are few things more frightening to our vulnerable souls than being asked to change our mind. 

Often mistaken as an intellectual decision, changing our mind is a soul decision based on what’s most important to us.  Our minds, galloping faster than what our patient heart feels isn’t right at the time. 

“No” is a boundary. 

A boundary placed by an individual for only reasons they understand. 

Not only is that OK, it must be respected & slowly unpacked.

The way we interpret & understand boundaries plays a huge role in how empowered we feel with the sales process.

For many, a “no” is like a sucker punch in the guts.  It hurts.  It’s uncomfortable.  And it knocks our confidence for six.  We’ve been shut out.

It’s in this moment I want you to stop & consider this;

Boundaries are less about shutting people out & more about keeping people in our lives, on our terms.

It is up to us, to understand those terms.

A Customer who sets boundaries is a person being kind to themselves.  Consciously, they are protecting what is most important to them, their personal values, & prioritising their health. 

We can look at them as a fortress keeping us out, or we can choose to peer through the lens of growth & consider them the terms for which we lay the foundation of trust;

“An emotional state reflecting our assessment of whether or not we can rely on those around us.” ~ Owen Eastwood.

Respecting the pace being set by a potential Customer, requires patience.  Meeting them where they are rather than where we’d like them to be, the first gesture we can offer, demonstrating they’ve been heard & respected.

The higher the stakes, the more time required for trust to form.  Curiosity, moving the process forward. Along with purposeful actions that waste nobody’s time.

You are building momentum.  On the surface, it’s about familiarity & understanding the practicalities, beyond what you can learn off a website.  You’re creating a picture of your Customer’s world. 

The real influential power lies in the depths beneath the practicalities. An undercurrent that strengthens with observations a Customer makes of your actions & reactions - the building of the foundations of trust.

You see, trust is never fixed.  It is highly contextual.  Always being calculated & recalculated based on the data available to us at the time .

We look for evidence of trust in others to alleviate stress & reduce fear.

Understanding & respecting the boundaries our Customer sets, the “terms” behind their “no”, is the Sales Professional’s opportunity to build trust & remain empowered in the relationship building process.

It is our opportunity to prove ourselves out.

Always, I prefer a “No” from a Customer rather than a hollow “Yes”.  It gives me something to work with when prioritising the building of trust.  The relationship is built on substance rather than material wins.

It gives me factual information I can use to steer the conversation.

Here are five considerations to manage the emotional churn that comes with a “No”, & maintain momentum.

1. Know what you are asking

Being hell bent on your own agenda can easily blind you from understanding the person in front of you & overlooking the risk change imposes. Question prompts:

• What am I asking of this person?

• What are the implications of them deciding to work with me - in their words?

2. Pace, progress & patience

Establishing trusted connections is a continual, individualised & slow process. Motivation is sustained by focusing on momentum & progress rather than finish lines & targets. (You can define your own incremental success measures relative to your market nuances or, reach out for more information on my own engagement framework.)

Above all, know your reactivity triggers & put measures in place to support self-restraint. The impact of a considered response at the right time will always progress a relationship in the right direction. In comparison, a rushed emotive reaction can blow up your efforts in an instant. EVERYONE needs a “draft” folder!

3. Establish working terms & preferences

Your Customer’s terms & preferences is your opportunity to demonstrate what you stand for, & that you care. It should reflect how you’d like to be described. Your actions setting expectations & those expectations when repeated, creating standards. Lastly, standards when met, foster trust.

You can; deliver information within promised timeframes, respect personal preferences, & offer unexpected, value-based moments delighting your Customer. eg. an introduction to someone within your network.

Customer question prompts:

• How would you like to be informed of updates from our organisation?

• What would be most helpful to you at this point in time?

• How can I make things easier for you?

4. Understand the person behind the Customer

How well do you really understand the person behind your Customer? Not their business, the person.

Change induces stress. The benefit & value of change needs to stack up against the impact of any likely (& unlikely) disruption. Understanding the person behind the Customer, supports our ability to emotionally empathise - to understand how change will make someone feel. Remember, people always remember how you make them feel.

Knowing a Customer’s trigger for stressful emotions enables us to consider how we can minimise those through tailored support.

Customer question prompts:

• How do you measure success?

• What is the impact to you, of not succeeding?

• What causes you the greatest grief on a day to day basis?

• How do you like to make decisions?

5. Keep an open mind

Your original collaborative vision, will likely change shape as you come to understand the person behind your Customer. Be careful not to be too fixed on any one idea, or the journey to get there.

Alternative, emerging pathways often lead to greater opportunities.

There is so much in the selling process we can’t control. What we can do, is empower ourselves with the process to minimise the emotional churn & maintain our motivation.

“No” is best seen as a path requiring patience, not an obstruction preventing progress.

Remember sometimes what we can’t control, works in our favour. If we’ve done the work & positioned ourselves as “the best second best,” we are ready to step into the driver’s seat when that moment arrives.

Let me know how you go!

Peta x

Sales Empowerment Coach | Keynote Speaker | Commercial Growth Consultant

Author of My Beautiful Mess - Living through burnout & rediscovering me

My 2023 team & individual coaching diary to open in November 2022 with limited spaces. To join the wait list, please reach out here