7 tips to help create Professional Boundaries
Innately, you were drawn to the overgrown wild of the unknown. The unchartered waters where majority dare not travel.
“It’s too risky & too hard. What if it all goes horribly wrong?” their minds would catastrophise before collapsing back into their cosy state of sameness.
You couldn’t think of anything worse.
As a sales professional, possibility of the unknown is exciting. Your mind mesmerised by the vision its concocting.
The adrenalin starts to swirl as you realise pursuit is imminent. You’re the hunter & you’ve found your prey - opportunity.
“Uh oh, here we go again” you think for a moment. Suddenly aware of the vortex you are being sucked into.
This was the moment I’d been waiting for. The one that would tickle the neural pathways of old. This time, rather than swat the thought from my mind, I STOPPED.
I was not going back to the place where my relentless pursuit for opportunity in combination with my perfectionist ways burnt my spirit to a cinder.
This time it would be different. I’d learnt my lessons.
“I can still succeed,” I reminded myself, “People evolve.”
Today I’ve learnt & accepted I have a predisposition to burning myself out. (Ok, it took a while!)
For a long while, I felt scared I’d never again be successful if I didn’t work the way I did in the past - by making myself available 24/7 & having lightning quick responses to communication. I set impossible expectations on myself. To avoid failing, I’m ashamed to admit I dragged my son into it too. Having him wait in the hospital patient lounge for hours while I covered cases in the operating room. I became too scared to ask for help towards the end. It was stupid in so many ways.
The compounded impact on my health was systemic & likened to trauma at the time.
I’ve learnt so much about myself since those days. The dial on my self-awareness wrenched far right, detecting any sniff of a burnout hook that gets thrown my way. Today, I don’t jump onto those hooks.
How do I do life differently? The biggest change has been the boundaries I have set. Not just the physical. The mental & emotional too.
Boundaries are the protectors of what is most important to us, our core values.
Our boundaries enable us to manage our energy – physical, emotional, mental & spiritual.
Without them, inner conflict starts to rumble away, discretely corroding our well-being.
Life becomes as comfortable as the sound of fingernails scraping down a chalkboard. We persist, all parts of our well-being deteriorates.
How do we change the boundaries in our lives? I love the framework offered by The Holistic Psychologist, Dr Nicole LaPera;
Define what you are protecting
Determine what they are
Maintain through habit
My working example:
I am protecting the demands I put on myself & will not instantly respond to communication 100% of the time.
I will set myself communication guidelines for responding to correspondence & manage the expectations of those around me
I commit to this for 8 weeks to ingrain the habit. Remember, it takes 66 days for a new behaviour to become automatic.
Easier said than done, right? It’s worth the effort. Trust me.
Changing my boundaries to better protect what is most important to me has been life changing. It enables me to be a better version of myself professionally & personally. I am more focused & productive. I have more energy. I have more brain space to learn & I am much more considered instead of continually reactive.
Life is happier & more fulfilling.
Here are 7 practical tips that have helped me define & maintain new boundaries;
1. Manage Expectations
It is up to us to manage expectations of those around us. Set yourself realistic working timelines that reflect your boundaries & build a buffer into your responses. Communicate these clearly. If compromise is required, your buffer will be your friend. ;-) Over delivering & under promising is much less stressful that over promising & under delivering.
2. Offer Context
When reinforcing your boundaries, expect to paint a picture of how they fit into your bigger picture. Consider offering others enough information so they understand the reason something is important to you. Remember, they will be looking through their lens & might need some encouragement to find empathy.
3. Don’t say “yes” when you mean “no”
Resenting the situation you’ve put yourself in is never worth it. None of us are as good a pretender as we think. Practise saying “no”. I’ve always respected those who have said “no” to me. An admirable example of someone protecting what’s important to them.
You know what they say, “resentment is like drinking poison & hoping it will kill your enemies”
4. Avoid “Just this once”
As tempting as it might be, exceptions are a slippery slope. If you are tempted to compromise “just this once”, be clear on the reasons why. For me, it’s collaborative vision & mutual purpose. And always, for those who demonstrate mutual respect.
Remember, the only people who get upset by your boundaries are those who benefit from you having none.
Respect the Boundaries of Others
Boundaries are intensely personal. As a leader, I am acutely mindful of respecting the boundaries of those I lead. It enables them to be the best versions of themselves both professionally & personally. Remember, the intensity you live your life with might not be the same for those you lead. Be kind. Be realistic & manage expectations. Being mindful of those prone to anxiety also a worthy consideration. It can be difficult to tell when someone is standing on a precipice.
Choose your Crowd
Emotional boundaries count. Have you ever caught yourself saying to a friend, “that person is not good for you”? Surrounding ourselves with people who trap us, criticise, or those who drain our emotional energy, compromise us more ways than we realise.
People who fill our cup, stretch our thinking & instil self-belief, are those who compliment what we stand for.
They are the people who make us the best versions of ourselves.
When Boundaries are Hard
The nature of some professions can make it difficult for boundaries to be put in place. Particularly when there is a level of personal dependency or when you are not in control of your own time. Ie. healthcare workers, personal carers, medical device company roles with clinical components.
Resources that offer reprieve are critical to preserving well-being. For example, developing people around you to enable you to step away from time to time. It requires trust on your behalf & is a conversation worth having with your employer or doctor. It is one conversation we should not be afraid of having.
My biggest lesson in overcoming my fear of tightening my personal boundaries was that people were much more forgiving than I realised. All this time, I was the one being hard on myself & setting myself unrealistic expectations. The rest of the world took my lead. I thought it was what they wanted. I was wrong.
If you are finding yourself frustrated by others disrespecting your boundaries, the first place to look is in the mirror.
Remember, if you don’t respect your boundaries, others won’t either.
Peta x
Sales & Career performance coach, Speaker & Author of;
My Beautiful Mess - Living with burnout & rediscovering me. Order your copy here.
Recommended Reading:
How to do the Work, by Dr Nicole LePera, “The Holistic Psychologist”
The Leading Edge, by Holly Ransom
Looking to inspire your team? Or for support to create different working habits?