How to avoid the “rightness and wrongness” trap with your Customer.
I recall a potential customer of mine. Let’s call them Mr Right.
For months, we’d been trying to progress a lucrative partnership conversation forward, to no avail.
We kept getting sucked into these downward conversation spirals, and getting in our own way.
For the sake of my sanity, I was seriously considering cutting my losses and jumping ship.
You see, Mr Right’s favourite conversation starter was, “Let me tell you why you are wrong.”
It wasn’t a question. There was no choice. Like it or not, you were going to hear it. That statement was then followed by a cascade of data-driven bullet points outlining why something wasn’t possible. Oh, and in case you missed it, the email would follow shortly after summarising your conversation.
I felt like I wasn’t being heard or understood and that he was being deliberately difficult. It was frustrating.
We both wanted the conversation. It simply wasn’t productive or progressive.
Exasperated, I decided on a different approach. I stopped being reactive and trying to “right his wrongs”, and began looking for meaning beyond his words. Call it a last-ditch attempt to break the obstructive bullet point wall down.
As I started combing through his emails, the penny dropped.
The analytical bullet points were his way of telling me what his data-driven mind needed, and I’d not recognised it (being the story telling empath I am). All I had seen was someone demanding to be constantly right.
I decided to lay my cards out on the table.
Rather than reacting and countering his messages or tiptoeing around my needs with polite discretion, I would simply spell out exactly what I wanted the partnership to look like. We could reverse-engineer the rest.
It worked. It broke the circuit.
By spelling out and understanding both of our independent needs, we then focused our attention on bridging the gap between us to create a mutually beneficial partnership agreement.
The conversation shifted from combative to collaborative.
Our objective shifted from “proving” to “exploring”.
We finally gathered momentum, decisions were made, and our partnership started to take shape.
When we prioritise understanding & exploring each other’s needs, we enable progress.
When we're hell-bent on proving each other right or wrong, we remain stuck in our own way.
From that moment, we agreed we’d take action as soon as any signs of the “rightness & wrongness” trap appeared in our conversations.
It was an important lesson in collaboration to learn early on.
One which became a part of our ongoing partnership working terms.
The ongoing benefit?
We could easily identify evolving needs
I was clear on what value meant to my Customer - in their words
I could develop innovative & market differentiating value-based propositions
We worked together to create collaborative processes and vision
How can you break the “rightness and wrongness” circuit in customer conversations to enable progress?
Have a go mapping your own path forward using the below steps:
1. STOP
When either party identifies a conversation moves into “proving” territory, provide each other with a licence to stop.
2. ASK
Ask each other, “What does “proving” represent in this conversation?” (What need does it represent?)
3. DISTINGUISH
Distinguish whether the identified need is not being met, being met, or being partially met.
4. MATCH
Match the other partner’s corresponding need.
5. EXPLORE
Explore the collaborative possibilities to bridge the gap between each of you.
6. DETERMINE
Determine the collaborative path forward, outlining each person’s role.
There’s an old saying, “The customer is always right.”
Admittedly, it’s never been my default position.
I’ve always found the most lucrative partnerships are those where we’ve worked through the superficial distractions (smokescreens, objections, moments of rightness and wrongness) and patiently coached the customer through the process.
The effort in doing so is a trust-building adventure within itself!
Peta
Sales Coach & Speaker | Team Masterclasses | Consultant
Founder Momentum Mindset Sustainable Sales Performance | Sustainable Well-Being
Author My Beautiful Mess - Living through burnout and rediscovering me
Mental health speaker for Beyond Blue
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Navigating the Mindsets of Customer Engagement
Leading a Customer Through Conversion