Five steps for reclaiming motivation momentum when you lose a sales deal.
The message landed in my inbox at 4:47 PM on a Friday.
"After careful consideration, we've decided to pursue another direction."
Eighteen months of relationship building, countless meetings, tailored proposals, all dissolved in a single sentence.
Poof!
If you've been selling long enough, you’re no doubt familiar with the sinking feeling of commercial rejection and its crippling emotional impact. An impact multiplied for relationship-focused selling with long, drawn-out sales cycles.
It’s hard not to take it personally.
There lies the identity paradox. The very qualities that make you effective - empathy, connection and investment in outcomes - are why the losses feel more personal.
You’re not just losing a transaction, you are grieving a relationship and/or community loss, income loss, and the perceived waste of effort.
And let’s not forget recognition loss. Out of commercial necessity, sales success is measured by numbers, which become inextricably linked to personal success through recognition, incentives and celebrated awards.
The closer our identity is tied to our outcome, the greater the fallout. Why? Because we’ve placed our success in the hands of something entirely out of our control - targets set by others, customer behaviour we can’t control, and awards influenced by subjectivity.
If the deal fails, we fail.
The key isn’t caring less. It’s understanding that our real value comes from what lies within our control: our integrity, strengths and continual growth - not any singular outcome.
It certainly softens the blow.
“The brain processes professional rejection in remarkably similar patterns to personal rejection, activating our threat response systems.”
The emotional fallout following a deal loss is similar to a grieving process. Rational thought becomes muddied by survival mode chaos as we move through an emotional cascade of disappointment:
Denial - there must be some mistake…
Bargaining - surely if I reduce my price…
Anger - this was all their fault…
Regret - if only I’d done this differently…
Sadness - it was all for nothing…
Acceptance - time to let go and move on.
The time it takes to move through these phases varies person to person. As does the impact on our motivation, sense of self, and disruption to the business.
The key to sustained performance is developing a resilient recovery system that prioritises human needs, enabling sales professionals to swiftly reach a place of acceptance and readiness to reclaim their momentum.
How do we lead ourselves and support our teams in navigating the aftermath, ensuring minimal business disruption?
Check out these five tips designed to address human needs, minimise negative impact on well-being, and restore business normality:
1. Drain the Emotional Swamp
Permit yourself to feel. The way we respond to loss is individual. Our emotions are valid. Acknowledging and labelling emotions reduces their intensity and duration. We can’t analyse or constructively learn from a situation while our mind is responding to a perceived threat.
Tip: Find the process that works for you. Confiding in a trusted colleague, mental health professional, or friend, or if you prefer a more private approach, journaling is also an effective.
“Emotions are data not directives.”
2. Create an Objectivity Map
Once initial emotions subside, physically map the process from start to finish, without first-person pronouns (in writing or commentary).
This creates emotional distance and transforms the experience from personal failure to constructive information useful for decision making.
Example: Initial contact made 15th March - Introduction to key stakeholders 15th April - Client CEO leadership change announced 5th May - Proposal submitted 20th May.
3. Differentiate Control
Acceptance is accelerated by realism and truth.
Consciously differentiating between what was and wasn’t in our control helps us gain a more accurate perspective. This separation prevents the harmful habit of assuming total responsibility for outcomes beyond your influence, and paints a more realistic picture.
With a clearer picture of what’s within our influence, we can accept responsibility and identify opportunities for personal growth.
4. Extract the Lessons
Adopting an attitude of learning from failure improves our recovery rate and strengthens resilience. Using your objectivity map, reflect on your series of events, and identify the opportunities to learn.
“What do we know now that we did not know then?”
“Was this an intelligent failure? Or did we not know any differently?”
“What do we need to learn to prevent this from recurring?”
“What’s the professional/ personal development opportunity emerging from this lesson?”
“Failing well, perhaps even living well, requires us to become vigorously humble and curious.”
5. Rebuild Momentum through Small Wins
Motivation follows action, not the reverse. Rather than “waiting for motivation to return”, create a deliberate action plan starting with small, achievable activities. Initially, you’ll need a disciplined approach until motivation ignites and momentum gathers steam.
Example: make five prospecting calls, visit three favourite customers, and research one new account.
Each small win rebuilds your neural pathways for success.
Disappointment is complex and a reality we can’t avoid. Resilience is strengthened by building intentional recovery processes that prioritise human needs and align with evidence-based well-being principles.
Our ultimate goal, to minimise business disruption from deal loss by creating an environment that fosters sustained human performance.
Peta
Sales Coach | Commercial Growth Consultant | Mental Health Speaker
Creator of Momentum Mindset Sales Training Approach - we grow business and sustain performance when we focus on growing human connection, with ourselves and our customers.
Mental Health Speaker for Beyond Blue
Author of My Beautiful Mess
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“We grow business and sustain performance when we focus on growing human connection, with ourselves and our customers.”
-Peta Sitcheff
Sales coaching is a great tool for leaders to support a team member through deal loss.
It provides an objective voice to learn the lessons, maximise growth opportunities and create an action plan to reignite motivation.
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