Type A? Perfectionist? Me too. How to manage yourself when predisposed to burnout

Oct 25

I remember peeing on that white plastic stick thinking life as I knew it, was about to change.

Two minutes later, as sure as the rising sun, there they were. Two tiny blue horizontal lines letting me blatantly know the level of responsibility life had installed for me, had suddenly shot up like a rocket exploding into the stratosphere.

I’d just been handed a boarding pass to life’s greatest responsibility. Or had I?

As maternal hormones swirled through the rapids of my surging blood volume, I remember feeling hypersensitive to every minuscule change. Diligently cross checking every twinge with the motherhood bible living on my bedside table.

Then one morning at 19 weeks, I had a reality check the bible had no answer for. It turns out I was rudely awakened by an impatient appendix demanding a swift exit from my abdomen.

Lying under the fluorescent lights in the ED, I felt my baby move for the first time. A tiny flutter in my belly amongst the stabbing pain in my side. Immediately, I knew he was OK. I took it as his powerful way of reassuring me it was time to look after myself.

If I wasn’t right, how on earth could I look after him?

Our greatest responsibility is looking after ourselves. After all, none of us can give what we don’t have.

Burnout is preventable. But only if we make it so.

As a working parent, setting ourselves up to minimise the risk of burnout is a responsibility we each own. One I didn’t for the first ten years of my son’s life.

That’s the first step, taking responsibility. Responsibility for cultivating fulfilment in life. For minimising stress. For having the self-awareness to understand our triggers & slippery slopes. For putting measures in place to hold ourselves accountable. And for understanding our predisposing factors.

I now understand my likelihood of burnout is as probable as sunburn to freckly, fair unprotected skin. I have all of the predisposing factors. I am a female, Gen X, single parent & am well educated. My risk radar borderlines neuroticism & I’m a perfectionist type A personality, hypersensitive to the judgement of others.

Geez, one would hope I come with an instruction manual!

Finally, in my mid-forties, I have written that instruction manual. I’ve found a way of mindfully planning life to preserve my energy through equal measures of self-connection, & connection with the world.

It’s one that doesn’t push me to the brink & force me into a life that’s more about coping than it is living.

It’s a way of living without harsh edges

Being aware & understanding how to manage my innate predisposing factors was important. Without it, I’d risk them hijacking any well intended well-being plan.

Here’s how I manage four predisposing personality factors that are a part of my reality.

1. Softening the Type A personality

I’ve learned a type A personality needs to consciously soften it’s edges through self compassion & human connection. Above all, it needs to be mindful of attaching self-worth with professional performance outcome - Work should be a part of us, not all of us

Here are practical tips I’ve used to redesign my professional life & continually foster self connection;

Define your personal purpose in the context of your organisation
Plan how you will bring your purpose to life through; giving, learning & connecting
Focus on giving to fulfil, rather than taking to achieve
Rather than compare, observe what you can learn from those you admire
Build buffers into your expectations (ie. always add 24 hours)
Set firm boundaries that reflect the reputation you are trying to foster & protect what is personally most important to you
Use your communication devices for your convenience not everyone else’s
Be mindful of your mind’s needs - learning, connecting, purpose & giving
Don’t distract yourself by placing IOU’s on communication
Consciously slow yourself down & practice restraint before response
Intentionally schedule down time & disconnection time

Today when I am physically present I am mentally present. That is my commitment to myself & those important to me.

2. Internal locus of control - focus on progress over performance

Today I prefer to define professional success by purposeful progress, a collaborative spirit & the impact I make on those I serve. The impact of the pandemic illustrated to many the risk of making fixed targets & first place our only definition of success. In the absence of something to aim for, many languished.

Use your personal values as your motivators rather than your performance targets
Gather feedback from colleagues & customers to understand your value based impact
Refine that value based impact by continually investing in your personal growth
For every performance target achieved, take the time to list the influence of your value based impact
Remove hard language like goals & replace with milestones

Time & time again, I’ve proven this growth formula achieves outcomes without the human toll often accompanying a black & white, win or lose approach.

Today life is about fluidity, not finish lines

3. Perfectionism - loosening your grip

There is no such thing as a perfect state in a changing world. This is my mantra when I feel like I’m at the top of the slippery slope of perfectionism.

Today I position all I do as - “Work in Progress”. I continually ask for feedback & collaborate as much as possible.

Questions I ask myself;

Who aside from me really cares about this?
How am I managing their expectations?

My biggest game changer for managing perfectionism was the discovery of creativity.

Creativity begets purpose & is my antidote to perfectionism. Whether writing, cooking or imagining, I liken an afternoon of creating to a refreshing breeze clearing the dusty corridors of my mind.

Seeded by one tiny speck of an idea, it’s a process of change. Slowly that idea is nurtured. Until that shape breathes its first breath & takes on dimension of its own.

There is no right or wrong. Nothing has to be perfect because nothing is final until you say it is - for now!

The creative process forces you to become comfortable with untied bows & messy edges

4. Neuroticism – don’t believe everything you think

I’ve learnt my mind is an incredible fictional storyteller. It has little respect for the truth & will tie itself into a pretzel as it tries to make sense of a situation. It always assumes the worst. My assumptions blinding me to other, very real possibilities.

Today I remind myself these thoughts will pass. They are not there to be latched on to.

I manage these moments with 3 self-preservation questions:

Do I know this to be true?
Am I 100% certain this is true?
Yesterday I felt differently, what has changed? (generally nothing!)

Writing responses in my journal, momentarily removes them from my mind & stops them clouding my judgement. Funnily enough after a few days, I’ve always moved on.

Predisposing burnout factors are threaded through all of us. Many inducing behavioural patterns that don’t serve us well.

Understand yours & ensure those closest to you do too. They will see the burnout train coming long before you do. And if you give them permission to forewarn you, you might prevent a crash.

Peta x

High performance coach, speaker, commercial growth consultant &

Author of My Beautiful Mess - living through burnout & rediscovering me